One of the blessings of COVID is the opportunity to appreciate anew the things I've taken for granted for far too long. On Saturday, I was able to have another of those moments when I returned to the temple for the first time since March 12, 2020, which was only a couple of days before all temples were closed for COVID. This 16 months is the longest I have gone without visiting the temple since I was endowed. I've been feeling the lack of temple attendance through the whole time, but I didn't realize how significant that lack in my life was until I went back.
The saga starts back at the end of June when it was announced that Timp would move to Phase 3. At the time of the announcement, they didn't say when the new appointment system would open, so I simply waited for more info. Somewhat unfortunately for me, I didn't see the email stating appointments were available until about an hour after the new system opened. I went in immediately after, but every endowment slot available was already gone by that time, as was almost everything else. Fortunately, I was able to pick up a slot for initiatory on Friday and a sealing slot in a couple of weeks. I felt really lucky to get them considering Timp is the second busiest temple in the world, and almost every ordinance slot was filled an hour after the system opened! At the time, you could only make reservations at your own temple, so getting anything was a great blessing. The weird part is that Timp's normal Aug cleaning closure appears to still be happening. Seems strange considering it was completely closed for most of the last year and had very limited use after living ordinances became available again!
Saturday itself was a pretty full day for me. I started by heading up to the Wasatch Wildflower Festival. I've attended it faithfully for about 5 years now. This week it was up in Brighton. I ended up missing the group I wanted I go with, so they sent me chasing after them. In the end, I basically just did the hike on my own. It was a little disappointing, but it did allow me more leeway to go at my own pace, and I was able to go farther as a result as well. I just listened in as I passed some of the other groups, which worked out just fine. The scenery was great, and I had the chance to talk to some of the national forest rangers while there, so it was still a worthwhile expedition. The blessing of hiking earlier in the day than I probably would have managed alone was that I was able to make it back in plenty of time before my temple appointment in the evening. I was constantly checking my time while hiking, since I needed time to come home, shower, and get ready before the temple. As it turned out, I needn't have worried, since I was back in plenty of time to go to Walmart, shower, and even eat and still arrived at the temple about 20 minutes early.
At the temple, they had several places where the temple workers confirmed and marked off my appointment, which was kind of different. Every time I've done initiatory at Timp, most of the seats in the waiting area were full. Often, I've had over an hour wait there just to get into a booth. This time, I was the only one in the waiting area for quite a while, probably at least in part because I was pretty early. Even so, I was only waiting for about 10 minutes while the ordinance workers got organized. Maybe a minute before I went into a booth, another sister joined me in the waiting area. Still, I've never seen the place so empty.
There were a few differences when I got to do ordinance work. First off, there were only two temple workers I dealt with there instead of three. More strangely, I was the only patron in the booth, which has never been the case at Timp in the past. These adjustments were pretty clearly COVID related. The biggest difference of all thanks to the pandemic was a change in the washing. The experience was somewhat different, but it overall felt much more personal as a result.
Beyond the logistics, from the moment I walked into the temple, I really felt ebullient. It took restraint not to dance down the hallway. The temple workers in general also seemed more delighted to be there. I think a lot of them probably just started working again a few weeks ago, which probably also impacted their approach. Plus, I'm sure they are seeing a lot of people like me returning for the first time post-pandemic. That's got to bolster the mood as well!
In the past, when I've done initiatory, I simply changed and left after I finished. I knew it's been an option to go to the Celestial Room after any ordinance for a while now. However, in the past, I knew I'd get the Celestial Room the next week with a different ordinance. Now, it will be two weeks before I get back to the temple, and I was eager to soak up as much of the temple as I could while I was there. I got the Celestial Room to myself for quite a bit of time. Others did come in, especially after sessions completed, but we were generally pretty spaced out even then. The extra measure of peace was very welcome.
Started out by reading the scriptures. Because I was feeling so happy to be back in the temple one of the major things I did was look up references to rejoicing first in the index and then in the topical guide. It was a good study overall. I found some good items that gave me food for thought. Most significantly, I came across this reference in Psalms 16.
8 I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
These verses struck me very powerfully. I have talked about how I've struggled with facing my own mortality since COVID. The truth is that since my bout with it last year, I have felt fragile health-wise. It would especially stress me out at night when I wouldn't have anything to distract my mind from paying attention to every ache or irregularity in my body. I've also mentioned how the idea of dying and leaving my body to decompose filled me with a sense of great dread. When I read verse 9 especially, I was overcome by a feeling that the Lord knew me and my struggles and that He wanted me to have peace. My fears evaporated in the light of the hope the Spirit granted me through the scriptures.
It wasn't an answer I had come especially seeking, but it was a great blessing for my life. Receiving that answer opened the door for me to find additional comfort and counsel through prayer. I came away with the strengthened conviction that for me, the temple is truly a place for powerful revelation and clarity in my life. I'd been praying for about a year at home about the specific issue I was wrestling with, and though I did receive help along the way, I found no resolution. Then the first time I return to the temple after the problem arose, I received an almost complete resolution I couldn't deny. Obviously, I could have come across the particular scripture I found at any time in the past. However, I believe that the extra measure of the Spirit in the temple was what allowed it to sink into my heart. I'm not sure if I would have had the same experience had I stumbled across the same scripture at home. For me, the lesson I came away with was that I need access to the temple regularly in my life.
There's one other thing that I learned after having been separated from the temple for the longest period in my life: empathy. To be honest, I don't think I've really had sufficient empathy in the past for people who haven't been able to go to the temple due to worthiness issues. I still don't think I fully understand what that experience is like for those individuals who are working to get back through the repentance process, but I do feel like the past year as given me a glimpse into that experience. I've certainly felt the pain and the motivation to change that others must also go through. I think too often in church we toss spiritual scraps at people rather than empathize with and help people struggling. I myself have at times simply suggested that those who can't go inside the temple go sit on the grounds and have more or less left if that suggestion. Now I can understand much better that just isn't enough. Sitting on temple grounds is fine, but it can never replicate the experience of doing temple work inside the temple. A better way to support individuals separated from the temple is to really empathize with them and actively try to aid them to shorten the time of the separation. That means being willing to partner with them in the repentance journey however we can. Trite sentiments casually flung out won't ever do what real spiritual support can. That means real work is going to be required, like perhaps small, but consistent encouragement and reinforcement in the repentance process. I know that I can do a much better job at effectively helping others in this position. I have real hope that I'm better prepared to offer such help in the future.
I've been so blessed by returning to the temple and I'm so happy that people around the world are also having the opportunity to return likewise!
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