This week I had an experience that reminded me of an important principle. One of the things I do at work is edit a lot of articles. I try to give the writers of these articles a pretty good idea of what I want them to produce, and most of the time they do a good job with it. Still, there are plenty of times that I have to send the article back to the writer and ask for some revisions. Typically, the writers are fine with this and are able to bring the content up to specifications. I also make a special effort to be very nice to the writers, even when they don't do what I want or repeatedly don't follow my directions.
Sometimes the writers will send me a message asking for a clarification on directions or expressing how much they enjoyed writing a particular article, etc. I'm used to seeing messages from them in my mailbox, so when I saw that I had a message early in the week, I quickly checked it to see if someone needed my help. I was shocked instead to find something quite different. I had asked a few writers for some revisions that day, and one of them wrote me back an entirely vitriolic message that basically gave me an online curb-stomping. The writer indignantly listed all his educational credentials, bitterly complained about his pay (something I have absolutely no control over, by the way), and described how horrible his experience writing the article was among other things. The theme of the whole diatribe was essentially "how dare you try to ask me for a revision?" The craziest part was that he ended with veiled threats that he would punish me for my gall.
Needless to say, I was pretty upset by this whole message. My first instinct was to completely eviscerate this guy. It would have been really easy to do, because his points were incredibly specious and he was way out of line. It would have been so satisfying to rip him to shreds at the moment. Instead, I stared at my screen fighting the urge for a few seconds, then went to the bathroom to collect myself.
It was only a few minutes, but in that short time, my anger seeped out and left only the real hurt and sadness that lay deeper beneath. I also thought about how despite the fact that I know virtually nothing about this person, he is indeed a real person with feelings and needs as real as my own. I decided then that I wouldn't respond to the email until the next morning. The rest of the day at work was pretty rough for me, but I felt better after coming home and getting to do some things I enjoy, which helped me take my mind off the situation.
The next morning as I got ready, what I needed to say gelled in my mind. The first thing I did when I got to work was to write a very conciliatory message expressing my regret for having caused him any offense or distress, while also laying out a few key points behind my own position as mildly as I could. When I sent it, I knew that I had done the right thing. Even though I would have been perfectly within my rights to put this person firmly in his place, it would have made us both poorer. Maybe I would have protected my professional power and authority somewhat better if I had, but I really don't mind appearing weak or submissive when doing so is true to what the Savior asks me to be.
The whole experience reinforced in my mind an important lesson that I feel like I am constantly relearning. What I've learned is that it is much easier for me to indulge my natural man during online interactions than is typically the case for me in my non-virtual life. Somehow, it is easy to forget that people online are just as real as anyone else, which makes it much easier to say and do things in that medium that I would never say or do to someone face to face. I've certainly had the same impulse to rip someone apart in Facebook arguments and such before, and while most of the time, I've been able to write out a response and then think better of it and delete it before posting for the most part.
I'm sad to admit, however, that there have been times that I haven't conducted myself online as kindly as I should. I'm trying to be better, both in my online associations and person-to-person. I want to be someone that makes people feel better about themselves and encourage a desire in them to be better as well. I have a long way to go, but fortunately, I have both the perfect example and partner in moving forward. I hope that I will be able to follow Him more exactly.
While this experience wasn't an entirely agreeable one in many respects, it was overall a good thing for me, I believe. I'm grateful that the Plan of Salvation gives me the opportunity to turn these kinds of negative experiences into positive ones that can help me and others grow.
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