October Trek Day 4: Women's Pull and the Sweetwater

Leading the pack out front all on our own

The last day of Trek got off to a strange start. Unlike the previous days, where we'd been woken up at the crack of dawn, actually before the dawn sometimes, the last day, all the women just woke up naturally. It was a very cold morning, so the heated bathroom at the Trail Center became a natural gathering place as people got up and going. The first topic of conversation there was the fact that the men were all gone. No one had any idea where they were, but since I was on the Trek committee, I knew that they were off doing their "Zion's Camp" thing while we were going to do a women's pull. Still, the mysterious disappearance hadn't been in the original plan, and it threw camp into something of an uproar. We hadn't been given any instruction, so we just decided to pack up our tents and gear after which we decided to do the same for the men. In about an hour, we had everything all packed up and ready to go.

Though we'd prepared an egg breakfast the night before, in the morning, it was determined that it would take too long to cook them all, so we made an assembly line and slapped together PB&J sandwiches. Then it was time to line up. Sister Lemon had been missing some of the morning, but turned up in time to get us organized and on the road. They did a little devotional and hymn, which I missed as I was with one of my daughters at the medical tent where her feet were getting taped.

Because I'd been occupied, our family ended up on what appeared to be the last cart in the line. However, when we found out where the gate was we needed to go through, it ended up being behind us, so Sister Lemon instructed us to all turn our carts around and proceed through. This little rearrangement put us unexpectedly in the front, so I guess it really was a moment of the last being first and the first being last!

Because we were at the front, Sister Lemon walked along by our cart to instruct us where to go. At first, we were just navigating along some packed dirt and gravel. After about half a mile, we got into some sandy sections of trail. We hadn't encountered any sand on our previous day of trekking,so this was an unwelcome new challenge. It was pretty dang tough,especially on the hills. The sand would just eat up any momentum and add a lot of additional drag. Basically, every step we took was significantly harder.

Because we were first, we were the pace makers. Sister Lemon stayed nearby to let us know when we needed to stop and go so others behind us could catch up. Through some of the tough uphill sections, she also helped us pull a bit before running back to other carts to help them pull too. She was around our cart most, though helping us know where to go. Sometimes, we were working too hard to talk much, but on the easier sections, it was nice to benefit from Sister Lemon's company. She is an extremely kind and charitable person, and spending time with her just always makes you come away feeling better, about yourself, others, and life in general. She definitely has a quietly radiant spirit about her that can't help but influence others for good. It's an quality that I very much admire and hope to emulate myself in time.

After hard pulling for about a mile and a half, we stopped and gathered everyone together. Sister Sargent had us all recite the Young Women's theme together and talked about the importance of women of faith in the world. After her little devotional, there was a bathroom break before things really got difficult.

Once everyone was lined up again, we were all given blindfolds and asked to put them on. The rest of the women's pull was to be completed completely blind. I admit, I wasn't a fan of this idea. To be honest, I'm not especially a fan of women's pulls in general. I get that it is supposed to give us a sense of what many pioneer women had to deal with after husbands got sick or died, but can appreciate that without having to almost completely exhaust myself physically. I did a women's pull for Trek in Virginia when I was in high school, and it literally was done on the hardest part of the entire trail. It took forever to get everyone up. I really wasn't looking forward to going through the same sort of thing again, but a women's pull is usually seen as a must for Treks, for some reason, so I'd resigned myself to it.

The other main issue I have with women's pulls is that I feel they put an unhelpful emphasis on spiritual experiences for women without providing something comparable for men. I get that the men are supposed to feel something while watching the women struggle, but it seems to me that a lot of men kind of miss the point on that, and it doesn't really impact them all that much. I could be wrong, but it seems like a lot of young men in the church especially have gotten used to watching women doing the heavy lifting, so it's not that big a deal to them.

It's a pretty common problem these days that the rise of the feministic message that women can do everything has led many men to simply let them do everything. In the church, I see this especially to be the case in spiritual things. We're losing a lot of men because they feel no responsibility to step up spiritually. They've learned to assume that the women will inevitably do whatever is necessary when the men slack off, which makes it pretty easy for them to take the route of slacking off. I've clearly seen this phenomenon in a number of my wards, especially now. The Relief Society is usually filled with a ton of dedicated and committed women who faithfully serve and go beyond what is expected while the Elder's Quorum is something of a vacuum. Sure, there are a handful of men who are dedicated and willing to serve, so those few simply rotate between significant callings while the rest just cruise along in disengaged semi-activity.

I'm not a man, so I'm not entirely sure what would help reignite the fire in men, but I think a male revival in the church is needed. They get browbeaten plenty, but I think that's pretty ineffectual for motivating men. For women, that would probably work fine, but not for men. In the end, I think it just alienates them more. The thing is, while men have always struggled matching up to women in spiritual things, I feel like the problem has gotten worse in recent years. At least in the past, men had a sense of what was expected of them as a man, and they largely did at least a reasonably good job at meeting those societal expectations. Now, the roles of men and women have become so diluted that men don't properly understand what role they should be fulfilling, and precious few have had any experience with truly fulfilling their priesthood responsibilities. And so the result is that we have a serious dearth of strong men in almost every capacity in the church, the result of which is a real slowing in the work.

To put this all under the lens of Trek again, in the original handcart companies, men bore much of the burden. They were expected to be the main force behind pulling and were also expected to do the logistical planning and to fulfill guard duties during the nights. Because the men were doing so much to serve on the trail, in really hard situations like what Willie and Martin faced, the men had a much higher mortality rate than women. They literally sacrificed so much that they laid down their very lives for their families and companies. And when rescue was needed, it was the men who sacrificed the most to rescue the beleaguered companies. To my mind, this is what we most need to focus on for men today. I believe that men have an incredible capacity for sacrifice, and if we can just instill that one principle in them and help them to live it more fully, many of our problems would be solved. It would make men more Christlike than virtually anything else.

In our most dedicated men, like the Quorum of the the Twelve and other great leaders, sacrifice is the hallmark of their lives. I've definitely witnessed that in my life. The men that I most admire are also the ones that are giving the most of themselves, sacrificing the things that matter to them for the good of others. Conversely, the men that disgust me are the ones that don't live up to their vast potential because they are so caught up in their own selfish desires. I've seen potentially great men wasted away by the influence of things like pornography(though admittedly there are more complicated issues involved there), video games, sports, simply a desire to not be tied down, or anything else that feeds their selfish appetite. It's such a tragic waste! So many things of eternal value are never realized because of these various factors. We need to become more successful at fighting their route cause and helping men to assume their proper destiny as sons of God.

Ok, so that was a kind of long rant stemming from the whole women's pull thing. I'll probably come to the end of it when I finish relating the women's pull story. In the end, while I obviously have some issues with the whole concept of a women's pull, my commitment to obedience is greater, so I plunged myself into it as fully as I could. As I said, for the last half of the women's pull, we were blindfolded the whole way. Learning from Sean's example in Martin's Cove, I suggested to my daughters that we have a prayer together as we waited for some of the other carts to finish in the bathrooms. We were all already blindfolded, so the Spirit that our prayer invited continued as we quietly talked to each other afterwards. Though I couldn't see their faces, I felt a new sense of closeness to each just from hearing them.

I'm not necessarily the most traditionally motherly person. In fact, in Young Women, I always felt like there must be something wrong with me because I wasn't all over the leaders' kids like all the other girls were. I still probably fall outside the norm in that way, though I've certainly changed in that respect too. But as we waited, it was as though the nurturing abilities within me blossomed out completely on their own. I was able to give generous encouragement and support to my daughters as we prepared for our new challenge completely naturally. I knew that it was beyond my capabilities to do so. I could sense the rightness of every word through the influence and reassurance of the Spirit. I think we were all grateful for that quiet bit of time to bond and gather strength for the challenge ahead, and I was grateful that I was able to play a part in it through God's grace.

At first as we started on the trail again, Sister Lemon was there with us, talking us through the trail and helping edge the cart the right way when we got off. She was whispering as we had while we waited, and we all became very attuned to listening for her instructions and immediately executing them as they were given. With her help, we were able to safely make it around some curves and down a steep drop without running into problems. Then, she had to run back to help the cart behind us, and instructed us to continue on without her. This is where my concerns with the blindfolding began to be realized more.

As we started slowly forward on our own, we were doing pretty well for a little bit, so we started going faster. That was a mistake, because it meant that there was more tripping and almost breaking an ankle when we invariably ended up going into the gorse covered side. After our first mistake, the trail evidently either became less straight or we were confused enough that we kept over-correcting. It took some practice and a few big stumbles through gorse before we perfected a system of slow progress with Felicia and me, since we were in the front pulling, letting the others know immediately when we began to feel the tell-tale roughness on the side of the trail. We also got better at making minor corrections, so that with good communication, we could pretty well stay on the straight and narrow. We were on a unified wavelength, so we were able to manage much better than I'd expected.

We did about a quarter mile in this slow manner, then heard Sister Lemon yell to us from way behind that we should stop. After waiting for around 15 minutes, The others pretty well caught up to us again. Sister Lemon told us that we were going to go completely off the trail for a bit and that she would help us navigate it. We ended up going up a hill through the gorse for a bit before she had us slowly back down the way we'd come up, just at an angle to our initial route. That was pretty challenging, since we were all tripping on gorse the whole way and backing a cart down a hill isn't an easy proposition to start with. Still, with Sister Lemon's help, we were able to manage it.

I think some of the carts behind us didn't end up taking the exact route through that section that we did, because somehow we'd all gotten off course, so we had to cut across wild land to get back to the proper trail. Since we were first, we started up a shortcut that didn't pan out, which led to the backing down. I think they found a more direct path after us. That section was quite difficult, so we were all glad to be back on easier trail, though it didn't last long.

After only a hundred yards or so, Sister Lemon told us to stop for a moment. She told us that she'd been there to help in the past, but that we would have to push hard and complete this last hill on our own. I gave my girls some extra encouragement and vote of confidence, then we began. At first it was strenuous but not too bad, as the hill got steeper, however, we lost our starting momentum. It really felt like I was pulling the entire weight of the cart myself at that moment, and I'm sure the others felt the same way. We came to a standstill for a moment, so I again expressed my confidence in them all, and we began to push on. At one point on the hill, we ran the cart too close on my side and I seriously stumbled in the yoke over the sloping edge of the trail, barely getting my feet under me enough to avoid getting run over, which was my biggest fear. Fortunately, our forward progress was slow enough at that point that I had time to recover.

It was really very difficult, between not having physical strength necessary for the task still left and trying to move forward blindfolded. Just as we got to the point where I was personally exhausted and thought I couldn't continue, I could feel the terrain starting to level under my feet, Shortly after, I could tell that someone was indeed helping us, as the effort required suddenly significantly decreased. Then we started moving way faster than we could really manage, so I devoted all my resources to stumbling along as fast as I could to avoid getting run over. I wanted to say "slow down," but I really had no breath left at that moment to do so. It seriously took all I had left just to keep up.

Fortunately, this rather terrifying pace only kept up for another hundred yards or so as the terrain flattened out entirely. I knew we were pretty well done, but it was a major relief when I heard Sean whisper on my side that we could stop and lay down the yoke. Once he talked, my suspicions were of course confirmed, that our men had come in to help over the last bit of trail. I was really grateful for the assistance, though I think they were a little over-eager to relieve our burden!

I congratulated my girls on their wonderful efforts, and we all expressed gratitude to the men. One of the guys suggested we take off our blindfolds then, but I said we should wait until instructed to do so by someone in charge. After a few minutes, Molly, who was one of the chairs for the Trek committee, came over and told us we could take off our blindfolds and go watch the other women pull up their carts. That was good enough for me, so I tore off my blindfold, and we all quickly and quietly made way for the hillside.

It was a pretty affecting sight to see the arrangement of things as the other women came up. The top of the hill was filled with all the men and some of the leaders, standing there watching the women pull up. Bishop was standing just opposite from where I stationed myself. He was carefully watching each group come up, signalling the leaders at the bottom when they should send up the next cart and then signaling the men of that family when they should help the women. As each cart finished, everyone from that family would then also come watch on the hill. It was dead silent, except for the encouragement that was given among the women in each family as they pushed up.

Some families, of course had more trouble than others. Some didn't have as many sisters to start with, and they typically got help much earlier on the hill. Others simply had women who struggled sooner than others. A few made it without requiring much help from their men. In it all, the bishop was watchful, ready to send in help after the women struggled through as much as they could. That task was clearly pretty affecting for him too. I think there wasn't a dry eye in the place, though we all sniffled as quietly as we could.

For the last few groups, a men's quintet sang some hymns as they pushed their way up the hill. Everybody was even more a mess then. No one bothered much to restrain it at that point. The Spirit was palpable, and I think all of us were reflecting together on the fact that while we were experiencing the help of flesh-and-blood angels when we needed them on this relatively easy hill, those faithful pioneer women who lost husbands, fathers, brothers, etc. and had to push alone, depending only on a loving God to send heavenly angels only when they were about to break from the strain. What we went through was nothing compared to their challenges day in and day out, and yet we were all pushed to our limits.

After the last group made their ascent, the choir was only part way through their final song. Even though they kept singing, most of the collected crowd started moving back toward the carts. I wasn't ready to do that yet myself, needing more time to digest the experience fully. There were a few others who lingered, though not many. The others missed out on one of the raw scenes of Trek that most sticks out in my mind.

As the choir finished their song, Sister Lemon made her way from the bottom of the hill to where Bishop Lemon was standing. As soon as she got to him, he grabbed her in a hug and started full-on weeping on her shoulder. Because I'd been more behind the scenes of Trek planning than most, I knew how much bishop had carried of the whole thing for months. It was his impetus that had pulled it all together and he was very involved through the whole process, though us foot soldiers had carried what we could. The burden he shouldered had been even greater on Trek itself, as he was the mainstay behind everything, logistically and spiritually as well, though there were many involved. Though I'll never know what he was thinking in that moment, I believe that it all really paid off for him in the women's pull. It was the release of the burden with a knowledge that it had been worth carrying for so long.

As I watched the Lemons for a minute or two in that same attitude, I saw a great sermon on marriage. He was relying on her strength in that moment, and she was there, in her kind and gentle way, offering necessary support and comfort that in no way diminished him or his efforts. That's what a celestial marriage is really about, in my opinion. Each spouse would fully support the other in both their strengths and weaknesses, offering vital consolation and encouragement in the exact way they are needed. Obviously, no one is perfect, and I'm sure even the Lemon's don't realize the ideal much of the time, but in that small moment, I think they did. At any rate, I gained a small glimpse of eternity through them.

After the moment passed, it was time to move forward to our final pull. The men lead out as we bushwacked our way down through wild brushland, led by President Bushman. He took us to the point where the Martin company actually crossed the Sweetwater. This isn't the place where groups doing Trek usually cross, by the way. Most groups are taken to an established point where carts put in and directly come out across the other side, only being in the river for a few paces. Martin company, however, was in the river much longer because the shoreline wasn't accessible straight across from where they put in. Instead, they had to walk diagonally through the river about 100 yard before they could reach a good place to get out. The original location where they cross has never been used by a Trek group before. The mission staff do a reenactment each November 4 in that location, but no one else has used it. I guess when you are a group crazy enough to show up in the late Fall, they make some exceptions!

Fortunately for us, unlike the beleaguered pioneers, the river was actually cool and refreshing rather than frigid with floating chunks of ice. Apparently, Bishop Sargent had requested to cross the Sweetwater in wards rather than families, which Bishop Lemon agreed to. When he announced this arrangement to us all at the time, however, there was a lot of dissension in the ranks. Everyone wanted to cross with our families, and we all grumbled as we unwillingly got into ward groups. It was especially ironic considering that the first day, people were as eager as they could be to get away from their families and hang out with their ward friends as much as possible. A few days and a lot of shared experiences bring about quite a change, it would seem!

Once we were kind of roughly organized into wards, the crossing started. The Layton folks went across first with two carts followed by the Saratoga people with one. I admit, it was harder seeing Felicia and Sean cross without the rest of us in the family than I thought it might be. Strange how those sort of connections can be forged in such a short time. The rest of us in Meadowbrook fell in with the rest of the carts as we could. My 3 remaining family members and I stuck to one cart and were joined by another ward member who happened to be standing nearby. While the water really was quite nice, what was less pleasant was how much sand and rock were getting all stuck in my water shoes as we crossed. I almost lost one of them in the soft mire, and I wished that I'd just gone barefoot through the actual river, though I was grateful enough for shoes once we were out of it.

The river bottom was so soft that it really did take a lot more effort than usual on a flat surface to keep the cart moving. I can't even imagine doing that in such frozen circumstances where everyone was already completely exhausted! It's no wonder grown men fell at the river side and just cried, unable to go on when they saw it. I could really see just how necessary those faithful rescuers were in that situation, and what hope they must have brought to flagging pioneers. Their sacrifice deserves all the honor and praise that has been given.

As we were all washing off our feet and putting normal shoes back on, I happened to be near the Lemons and a few of the Trek committee leaders from my ward. Bishop asked how the women's pull had been for us. I said how different it was from what I expected, mostly in good ways. I also commented on how I had been really dubious about the whole blindfold idea at first, but really saw the value of it in how it made us work together. It also gave a real sense of unseen angels helping us when we felt we were almost ready to break, even though the angels were probably too vigorous in their speed in our case. Still, that initial sense of the load lightening really did fill all of us with a sense of deep gratitude in that moment.

After I made my comments, the Lemons observed that because we were the first cart, things weren't really organized properly when we went up, such that our men didn't even get called from where all the men were waiting on the other side of the hill until we were already almost to the top. The problem was that Bishop couldn't tell which family was coming up and send the message back for the appropriate men fast enough. After that bobble, they decided to have all the men come and wait on the hill so the process was much faster after us. That was all I'd seen after taking my blindfold off. It was kind of nice to think that we were one of the only ones to make it essentially all on our own, for all intents and purposes, though it probably would have been nice to get a hand a bit earlier!

I also learned at that point that the men hadn't really done much while they were separated from us. They'd watched Ephraim's Rescue in the heated chapel, and then were loaded into the trailer the Layton ward used to transport their stuff and shuttled to the hill to wait for us to arrive. I was disappointed to hear that they hadn't received any special Priesthood-oriented instruction or something to inspire them to rise up as men of God, but I imagine that Bishop was probably pretty tapped out at that point. His breakdown after the women's pull is doubtless evidence that that was the case.

For that reason, I really don't fault him, but I still think it was unfortunate that there wasn't more parity between what they experienced and what we women did. That said, while there was probably something of a missed opportunity there, I think the men individually did rise to the occasion and learn some good things. In fact, some of my favorite pictures from Trek document what the men chose to do while they waited, like pray, study scriptures, etc.

After the river crossing, it was time to head back to camp again, which we were all reluctant to do because we knew that going back meant the ending of Trek. Still, I knew there were still a few things to look forward to, so I was able to resign myself to it a bit better. On the way back, we stopped by the site where the rescuer statues are located. President Bushman told us that the statue for one of the rescuers had used a direct-line grandson of the rescuer in question. While the statue was still being made, the young man who modeled for it was killed while he was on his mission, so the sculptor invited his parents to place their thumbprints on the final cast.

All of these statues were intended to be placed within the Sweetwater itself, but it was decided that wasn't possible due to factors like the very soft, sandy river bottom. Some pretty drastic changes in the river from season to season also rendered a more permanent location on land the better choice, in the end.

I still have a few wrap up items that I want to record, so I'm going to leave the rest of the day 4 report to fill out that post, which I hope to get up before too long.